Very Important Thoughts about Music Part One: The Mothering
AKA: It's still wild that I've got three inches on Glenn Danzig.
The Song: Mother
The Artist(s): Danzig
The Album: Danzig
The Year: 1988
The Year Doug First Heard It: I didn’t have cable until 1995, so I’m going with that at the earliest. We HAD cable 1987-1988 but my GPA dropped and my parents were ‘very disappointed,’ depriving me of valuable Degrassi time. They thought that would stop me from watching television all the time. HA. Jokes on them I just switched MTV with a 11AM viewing of Barnaby Jones, a Quinn Martin Production.
Doug, how tall did you think Glenn Danzig was when you first saw the video for Mother: Like most people, I thought Glenn Danzig was 8’4”. I thought Villagers trembled when he walked by. I thought he was the fucking Mountain that Rides.
Doug when did you discover that Glenn Danzig was 5’3” when I saw this meme online
Did you know anything about the Misfits before Danzig: Lemme tell ya something. I didn’t know who the Misfits were. I didn’t particularly care who the Misfits were. My music tastes are “Guy who comes into the theater halfway thru the fucking movie.” Whatever. Like, my mom and dad weren’t picking up album covers with The Crimson Ghost on the front. They listened to smooth jazz and lite 102. The average age of my neighbors back in 1994 was 143. These guys thought Korean War veterans were longhairs. Also like, I grew up in Satanic Panic age, so I assumed that anybody wearing a fucking skeleton on their shirt were the devil’s concubines. I thought the Grateful Dead was a black metal band because of the Steal Your Face logo. I couldn’t watch Touch of Grey in 88 because they turned into skeletons. Boy was I disappointed when I heard Dark Star for the first time.
Sounds like you’ve got some pent up emotions about this: You bet I do. Because me simply saying “Oh man, I listened to that Danzig song Mother the other day” was met with open derision and rolled eyes from the rest of the class of ‘99. “Oh that song is so old.” “Yeah Danzig’s sucked since he left the Misfits.” I’m supposed to know all this shit? I was 2 years old when they broke up. I had to go to a guitar center and leaf through ten thousand pages of metal magazines to find out that I was a tool. I spent the next ten years feeling actual guilt about saying I liked the song Mother by Danzig, like “I was such a poser! I was such a fool! I embarrassed myself in front of all those dudes who smelled like fifteen day old garbage outside a fish market! What if everybody found out?” I imagined a group of popular kids all pointing and laughing at me and saying “He thinks Danzig’s solo output is all he’s ever done. Let’s pour beer on him.”
Ok, sorry dude: Stop gatekeeping Danzig guys. That’s all I’m saying. You could’ve had a vital member of your army but instead I started listening to 311. You pushed me to 311, and now I make everyone pay for that knowledge.
So, back to the song: The second time the Misfits came into my life was when they became wrestlers.
Wait what?: Yeah I had to actually look that up to make sure it actually happened and wasn’t the result of a fever dream. Back in the late 90’s early aughts period of WCW anybody could become a wrestler. Members of Kiss, the No Limit Soldiers, The Chuckie Doll, Jay Leno, Dennis Rodman, Karl Malone, hell, former actor David Arquette was Heavyweight Champion for a bit. All you had to do was ask.
OK, so back to the song: Jay Leno and Diamond Dallas Page vs. Hulk Hogan and Dennis Rodman. What the hell was wrong with me I almost bought that pay per view.
Ok, SO BACK TO THE FUCKING SONG DOUG: Ok, so I thought Mother was one of those white boy songs about having a bad relationship with and/or incest dreams about their parents, but fortunately Mother’s target is 80’s muse Tipper Gore. This woman had more of an impact on music than cocaine and heroin combined. She couldn’t have had more of an impact if she dated Bob Dylan when she was 17 (Rest in Peace Suze Rotolo). Nixon and Tipper Gore are the creative inspiration of 43% of music released between 1955 and 1994. The Parental Advisory logo, along with the Nudity and Sexual Situations tag, allowed me to discover so much music and movies I might’ve otherwise ignored.
Any thoughts on the drumming? The Bass? The guitar licks? Anything to do with the actual music side?: Uhhh not really. I really like the beginning when it goes Dummmm Duuuuu duuu Duuuuuuuun.
Is this song Siiiiiiick???: On a scale of 1-10, Mother comes in at a 9.34 on the Doug thinks it Rocks scale. It makes my hand ball up into a fist, and my head slightly move forwards and back because I can’t headbang without getting a migraine. I definitely had Mother as one of the covers I’d do midshow in my imaginary rock and roll band “Esperanto.” The crowd would go nuts. “Come on columbus put those fucking hands in the air!” I’d say. Could’ve been a rock god if my voice wasn’t below bass 3.